The Love Bomb

Falling in love is great isn't it? What a rush of dopamine you get when you find someone that likes you as much as you like them.

When I look back on talking to my ex online I can't help but feel like a "target" for a surgical strike with a bunker busting love bomb. 

We were on Instant Messenger and while I'd be on the Internet a text box would pop up with the word,  :::pounce:::

Looking back the language of predator and prey was there, at the time I thought it was cute. She really wanted to talk a lot. Someone interesting and funny showing you attention.

The tactic these love predators do is called Love Bombing. How is it different than falling for someone normally? It's faster and more intense.

I talked to my ex online for only 3 months before we met. I had started talking to her as a friend with no ulterior motives. I found out later that she had 'decided' that I was her soulmate and we were to be married. It turned that I fit some list of her perfect man that she wrote out as a teen. I wasn't an exactly match but close enough for her. It was fate, it was meant to be.

You ignore all sort of silly stuff and red flag warnings when that dopamine hits you. Who doesn't want to feel like they are the chosen one?

Society has taught us how love conquerors all and that fairy tale romances are real. Boy are we gullible. 

These love predators seem to be perfect for us. They might give you disclaimers and mention their faults while you are in this dopey gullible stage, not their fault you weren't paying attention or thought they were being too hard on themselves.

My ex said, "I'm a bad person" and I took that to mean she was shouldering guilt that wasn't hers and that I could rescue or save her. Calling herself a bad person is probably one of the few things I now believe that she has told me is true.

Oh they've had it rough. Their ex was crazy and treated them so bad ... but you aren't like that and wouldn't treat them mean. Yep, they groom you into how they want/expect you to behave. You end up wanting to punch their ex out by the time they are finished.

They have you disliking all sorts of people you don't know. When you eventually meet them they don't have a clue what you've been told and just think you are rude or have anger issues or something. 

You tell the love predator your hopes and dreams. They don't laugh or mock you like others would, they support you and even come up with ideas. They want to be a part of it. You finish each others ... sandwiches!

Like that romance from Frozen it's all a lie too. The tactic they use is called mirroring.  Finding someone so much like you that accepts you for who you are and even has a similar world view has to be fate. There has to be mystical forces at work.

Is it all lies? Well that dopamine rush that you get, they get it too. Falling in love is the best and easiest part of a relationship. It isn't even love, it's infatuation. Love is a long term commitment that you have to work at, this is some vague promises and constant sexual arousal.   

We targets may feel it deeply and mean what we say. They don't. They can very easily switch the love off when things stop going their way.

These love predators love the dopamine and the drama of fulfilling their true love story. They mirror us and the love we see from them is the love we're shining on them. They are like the moon, the only light is what has been reflected by the sun, without the sun they are black and dark.

Their thinking may seem a little unrealistic at times. If you bring up problems they'll come up with likely solutions or just say that love will find a way. You want to believe.  The likely solutions never usually happen.

Perhaps they have talked themselves into thinking you are the one ... the one from the list they wrote that doesn't exactly fit but close enough. For months they put you on a pedestal. They like everything about you but still guide you to change a few things by saying, "hey you'd look great with a beard" or "what about these clothes, you look so good in them." 

Any changes all seem like your idea. My ex helped me spend $21K and made a lot of it seem like my idea. Why did I buy a lot of bookcases for the living room? I didn't have any books. She had loads though.

Life seems like a whirlwind but then you notice that all the promises and ideas didn't happen and mundane things like paying bills becomes a thing. The love predator is still open to listening and valuing what you have to say and you don't notice all the little controlling and smothering ways because you think it's love. 

In the back of your head you suspect something is wrong but it's like trying to remember a dream, you can't quite figure out what is wrong.