How To Heal

No matter what your relationship was to a CNUT, if it was sustained over a long period of then the chances are you might have a form of PTSD. Yes you do not have to be John Rambo to get it. If you are constantly on alert from some threat and find it hard to feel safe then you'll have the same emotional reaction.

Some call the PTSD from a relationship Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or even Post-Traumatic Relationship Syndrome. However there are also some that dismiss CPTSD and PTRS. The reason for the suggested difference is how people respond to the relationship trauma such as they don't usually use avoidance as in angrily claming up and refusing to discuss it.

I've had PTSD from stressful, violent events in my life and PTSD from my relationship. Sure that ended in violence but it was only physically violent on the last night. 

My first lot of PTSD had me avoiding trashcans and cringing every time a car started as I thought 'bomb' but the second, while there were flashbacks was a more creeping dread feeling. I can compare it to Rick and Negan from The Walking Dead. Negan got into Rick's head and made him afraid by taking away his confidence and making him second guess himself.

To Rick during his vulnerable times, Negan was too powerful and Rick felt helpless.

I think the difference was because one wasn't personal. I was just someone in the wrong place and could have been anyone. The other was personal as you think you should be safe in the bed you've slept in for the last 6 years.

Whatever your trauma it will take time to get over it. Putting distance between any traumatic event is good but do not avoid it.   

These CNUT's may have made you feel worthless, stupid, ugly, fat. Your confidence may have taken a blow or if it was parents, perhaps you didn't think you ever had confidence or worth. 

We may feel angry and frustrated. Words and things others say seem to trigger us.

Being angry is a normal feeling, it can be a great motivator at times to strive to be better but anger at yourself is just doing the work of the CNUT .... they have turned you into a CNUT franchise. Get angry at that.

You may not have had closure or answers as to why they treated you this way.  You may never get answers. CNUT's lie, even when they don't have to. Closure is something you give yourself when you decide you are done with it and done with the hurt.

If words trigger you then you aren't ready for closure yet.

You may feel that you are to blame. You'll remember all the times you reacted poorly or may feel guilt over it and shame that you allowed another to treat you like this.

There is this thing called Reaction Abuse in which the target acts like the CNUT  in an aggressive way. Any CNUT worth their salt will use this to paint you as the abuser.

There wouldn't be a reaction if they hadn't have worn you down and abused you in the first place. It was self defense and those that do reaction abuse will revert back to normal when away from the CNUT. It really is them and not you.

A part of your PTSD will be anxiety and depression. There may also be a feeling of loneliness. Perhaps the CNUT isolated you over the years. Perhaps they didn't like your friends or created family rifts.
Just being away from someone you've been with for any length of time will take some adjusting. You have a new norm to create.

You may even feel a distrust of others and wonder if there are any decent people out there. If the CNUT was a partner you may wonder if you can ever love again? What if they are a CNUT too?

If you are not careful you could very well end up with another CNUT. Replacing a dead family pet with another doesn't take away the pain and dating someone else won't solve anything either. Especially if you are feeling vulnerable and not making the best of decisions.

If troubled by intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, bad dreams and the feeling that you are too tired to go on then go see a Doctor. There is no shame in it, you feel how you feel.

Sometimes therapy or medication or both can be what you need. Other times some self reflection and a kind soul to just listen will do the trick. Only you can know.

Just stop and breathe. You are away from their seemingly evil manufactured drama so make sure to stay away. If you are still in the manipulationship and unable to leave then you still have to take time for self care. Less contact is still the best thing though.

Remember who you are. If you are unsure of who you are then think who you want to be and make strides to be that person. Re-discover your strengths. The CNUT tried to make you feel like you were less ... you didn't 100% fall for it because deep down you know you are more.

The CNUT knew what buttons to press but they didn't know you and certainly didn't notice you grow. They only know how to trigger you because you trusted them with your heart and soul.

Sure it's horrible to be betrayed by someone you love or someone that was supposed to look out for you. Take this negative, toxic relationship and learn from it. That turns it into something positive.

Most growth comes from pain. I don't know who made that rule of life but I would like to kick them in the junk if they have any.

Take things more slowly. Don't be desperate to have another human connection. It is better to be alone than be with the wrong person. There is nothing lonelier than being alone in a relationship.

Work on healing yourself, work on getting joy and fulfillment from yourself rather than looking for it
from someone else.

Please do remember all the terrible times. I don't want you to just remember the few good times and go back to the CNUT.
Those good times were fake and nothing more than a dopamine rush for the CNUT. You might have been sincere but they weren't.

99.9% of times the CNUT will never change. That .1%  .... they are still a CNUT but now they hand you a bandage when they stab you in the back. Don't fool yourself that they are different just because they seem to be treating their new target well.

You weren't foolish or gullible to be with a CNUT for so long. The reason why CNUT's are so successful is that they are experts at lies and manipulation. If you weren't an open and honest person their tactics would not have worked on you.

Being open and honest is a strength, it's also a valuable commodity and rare these days so guard it. You'd only put your money into a safe bank so only put your trust into someone that is worthy of it.

You can heal by yourself or with others, just make sure you do heal and not replace with the instant gratification of a distraction. Here are some things to do to self heal.

Music, sport, gardening, walking, singing, yoga, massage, dance, meditation, alcohol in moderation, reading, movies, Netflix and chill, doing nothing, friends, being alone, arts and crafts, cooking, therapy, sex, your spiritual side, pets ... anything that gives you peace or that brings you joy.