People are meaning making machines. They will either draw meaning from their failures in life or from their successes.
This can also be described as Mindset. Either a Fixed Mindset or a Growth Mindset.
The Fixed Mindset is the most troublesome. You can define yourself and abilities with labels and excuses while rationalizing that you are actually being aware of the reality of your limitations.
These limiting beliefs go on to create issues in your life as they set out patterns of behavior which is how most people end up going into therapy ... they have a crisis of some sort brought on by the patterns of their limited beliefs.
A Fixed Mindset isn't a 100% negative thing. Many of the world's greatest successes have it. It's only negative when it impacts your life in a bad way.
Fixed Mindset people are too hard on themselves. If they fail at something straight away they may never do that thing ever again. Those Fixed Mindset people at the top of their game also have difficulties due to the pressure they feel. They feel obligated to be the best.
People with a Fixed Mindset will use labels as excuses to not try in case they fail.
CEO's with a Fixed Mindset will often take the safe easy no risk win in order to get the adulation they need to maintain the illusion of being the best. Probably why there are so many movie sequels.
The main problem with a Fixed Mindset is that when you realistically examine your abilities you are probably underestimating yourself and will not reach your full potential.
Some Fixed Mindset people may be classed as genius but don't adapt or change their skills and often blame others or the type of saw dust they use for their hands when they fail.
Neuroplasticity, also known as Brain Plasticity. The ability the brain has to change throughout a person's life time.
Just by knowing there are two types of mindset and that you have the choice of how to think is empowering.
'Jack grew up with emotionally distant parents that didn't value him or showed him any kind of affection.'
Jack can go onto to believe that he isn't deserving of it and will continue the cycle with his children. Jack's low self-esteem and Fixed Mindset that was forced upon him from birth was a strong factor in his life but what other people put onto him was underestimating him greatly.
He decided he didn't want to damage a child the way he'd been damaged and so learned from his childhood and did the things his parents did not do. He developed a growth mindset without even knowing what he was doing.
You can have a Fixed Mindset and a Growth Mindset at the same time. By knowing how you are thinking about certain things you can decide what Mindset you want to go with.
People's thinking and belief system their core, is not set in stone.
A Growth Mindset is merely being open to a different way of looking at things. Instead of goal related thinking it's the learning and experience that matters. You may not have won the game but you can be satisfied that you did your best and gained experience for the next time.
It's a 'just glad to be a part of the team' or 'it's an honor to be nominated' way of thinking and to mean it.
A world class tennis player that thinks he's the best because he's been # 1 for four years should be looking at how to be better to someday in order be the best, not just the best because everyone says so.
There are always others that put more effort into learning and growing, they knock the crown off the champion's huge head while he cries about the ball being on the line.
Effort and learning builds character. Character can often win over skill if the person with the skill isn't in the right frame of mind. When the pressure to succeed gets too great they fold.
Growth Mindset people don't draw meaning or value from their failures, a low test score or a bum note on their guitar means that they still have work to do and by being open to the challenge they can do better.
They still get depression and anxiety but have a better chance of over coming it because they do not let it define who they are.
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