A Psychopath Is Born

Plenty of People have asked, "what traumatic event made their CNUT partner/relative/friend/co-worker a CNUT in the first place?" 

The traumatic event was having emotionally distant parents. Not very dramatic huh? We forget that babies see things on a different more confusing level than us. They have not learned any coping strategies or have any previous frame of reference.

A parent smiles at them and the baby smiles back, then sometimes the tired parent doesn't smile. The baby cries and gets lifted then the parent who is lying in bed depressed ignores the baby. So many mixed signals for the baby. The infants are growing neural pathways and trying to learn from their caregiver. If those pathways don't form correctly, the baby goes on to become an insecure child. Then to become an adult with a deep sense of shame and a feeling of being defective. They don't even know why.

So yes, you can blame the parents.

My ex "Tanya" and her brother "Craig" are perfect examples. Their parents had Tanya first while they were concentrating on building their business, she was looked after by her aunt a lot. Her parents were emotionally distant when they were around, Tanya was expected to 'step up' even as a 4 year-old.
She got great grades but it never got their praise or attention. When Craig came along he got all the praise and attention because he was to carry on their precious surname. (plot twist, he had 3 girls before getting the snip) Craig acted up and got into trouble but got a free pass from his mom. Tanya even let her grades slide and led a secret partying life as a teenage. Nothing she did mattered. 

Tanya had deep rooted shame at probably not being born a male and that nothing she did was good enough. No consistency with care giving. Her parents had a sense of entitlement and thought themselves better than others with their big million dollar business. (it was the 80's) That entitlement was passed on to their children.

Craig always new he could get bad grades, act up and get away with it as his mom treated him as a golden child. The father who disliked not being the center of attention removed bedroom doors and duct taped Craig's mouth.

The father was too concerned about himself and smoked like a train despite Tanya's serious asthma.

You can go further back and look at the emotionally distant parents of the parents and those that randomly spoil kids.

It's a rolling snowball of family toxicity.

There isn't just one event. There doesn't have to be physical or sexual abuse to make a CNUT, or to make the placid victim child. In these families you tend to either get a CNUT child or a people pleaser with no boundaries that knows their place. In this family they raised 2 competing CNUT's.

CNUT's and people pleasers are on a spectrum of damage and issues.

Then you have toxic relationships romanticized by society. Be it an ego fueled power struggle between singers or some pervy prince going around kissing hot chicks while they sleep.

It's amazing how many people believe that love ... true love has a happy ever after. Once you get it you are done. Love has to be worked on constantly and re-accessed. The same with trust.   

Social media and the 50 million selfies. It's a platform to tell you that being a narcissist is acceptable. Look at all those losers, I'm bringing joy to their lives with my duck face.

Remember, Psychopaths are born, it's a proven medical condition. Narcissists, Sociopaths and CNUT's in general are crafted and made by their early environment. That's a choice but since they make their own realities they don't see it that way. In their minds there always has to be winners and losers and they will not be the loser.