Vacant Stare

This blog is the accumulation of my knowledge as I learn as well as what I've experienced. My ex "Tanya" did not have a trial for attempted murder of me, she took a last minute plea for a lesser charge. 

Just like a CNUT, they stall and drag things out then pull a fast one. They want to wear you down so you are weak.
I was not to testify now but I had to get two victim impact reports done. In the UK these reports are to detail how a crime has affected the victim. The judge is supposed to take these into consideration for the sentencing.

The court was large and open. There was a long Plexiglas box in the middle of the room for the accused. A door to the side lead to the holding cells and they would enter the court and walk 8 foot straight into the box.

It reminded me of Russia when Pussy Riot or some Chechen terrorists are being tried.

Tanya entered the court with 2 security guards. I happened to sit with a police officer that was handling my case and we were right behind the center of the box. Tanya looked right at me as she walked to the box. It was an odd vacant look, nothing on her face showed that she noticed my nice new suit or the loss of 20 LBS due to exercise.

The actual courtroom 

Her eyes just stared, they didn't look me up and down. There was no disgust, no rage. I wasn't used to this new look. Where was the hatred?

I didn't know how I'd react to seeing her for the first time since she stabbed me 9 times. The Clinical Psychologist that assessed me for one of the victim impact reports said that I might not feel anything.

The two security guards went into the box with Tanya and she sat directly in front of me about 6 feet away. I got to stare at the back of her head the whole time.

I had a headset on so I could hear the judge and the barristers. She couldn't possibly hear as was in a box. Her usual thing is to fidget and cock her head but no, she was motionless until the judge told her to stand.

I wondered if they had her on something.

She wore sweat pants and some cheap floral print short sleeved shirt. Borrowed clothes. She had gained weight since I had last seen her and was not longer pretending to need a walking stick to get around with.

I had no sense of revenge just annoyed pity. Why did she feel like the only answer in life was to kill me? All I've done over the years was to help her.

Her defense barrister belittled my wounds and brushed them off as 'superficial' he made a case that proper stab wounds had to be as deep as they are wide. Who made up these stupid rules? Does it not depend on the type of knife and if there is a shoulder blade beneath the skin? I really did nearly die!

They painted Tanya as a poor woman who suffered childhood trauma and had a complex psychological state. Nothing that had a diagnosis to it I noticed. Sure I was asleep and vulnerable but she suffered some things 40 years ago that made her want to stab people.

I was glad I went to not just see my demented nemesis but because I'd hear the outcome first hand.

Her barrister did belittle me and I felt that the judge took pity on her. I guess he wasn't stabbed 9 times or spent the night in foster care like my son did. Just before his birthday too.

She looked a pitiful figure but since I can clearly remember the knife swinging at my face I don't get fooled.

Time served she got less than a year. I wonder how light it would have been without the impact reports. Then she'll get probation or deported to her home country. No one has confirmed this yet.

I suppose 2 years and 3 months served in total will have to do. Her future is ruined. Who will she latch on to now? Her mom died months ago and she doesn't like her father. None of her kids want her in their lives. You reap what you sow really does apply here.   

I have my scars and my PTSD to remind me of what she has done. Her name I had tattooed on my arm in 2001 is getting removed and is fading from my life just as she is.